365 days

Last September, I turned thirty, and I jumped off a bridge. 

 Sure, I stood there for almost ten minutes while the tourists taunted and my friends waited impatiently/supportively for me to overcome my near-paralyzing fear of jumping off a bridge.  But I did it, eventually.

And in doing it, I learned that I can take risks, that I can overcome my own limits (of which I have set many), that I can conquer my fears (also numerous) and that it's OK to take my time when jumping off a bridge. 

I read a quote about turning thirty:  if your twenties are for finding yourself, then your thirties are for creating yourself.  This was my mantra as I jumped off the bridge (amidst the plethora of curses and prayers for safety).  "I'm thirty", I thought, "time to create myself."

So over the last year, I have put a lot of thought into it.  What do I want out of the next decade?  What do I want my life to look like as I turn forty?  It's a big question, and I have nine more years to figure it out.  Or, if I take Susan Rybar's advice and pay for the fun when I'm 41, I have ten more years to figure it out. 

But two things are certain.  In the last year, in all the soul-searching and forward-thinking that I have attempted, two things always came up:

I want a child (or children)

I want a different career.

Now, when I say I want a child, I mean we want a child.  Right, Brian?  But there's a lot more conversation and planning that need to go into that.  So I'm sure you'll be hearing more about it in the future.

The important part here, is that I want a different career.  I like my job.  there are even times when I can honestly say I love it.  The organization is wonderful, the people are incredible - it's a pretty decent gig all 'round.  But my heart is not in it, and it never will be.  And one thing I have learned about myself over many years is that it's all about my heart.  If it doesn't measure up to what's happening in my heart, then it doesn't measure up at all. 

Now this is an idea I have been tossing around for a few years, but it's time to take action.  I'm thirty, it's time to create myself!  So I have set myself a goal - one year to figure this out.  I'm not saying that in the next year I need to be firmly ensconced in a new job at a new desk, but I have 365 days to formulate a concrete plan to change this aspect of my life.

I have no idea what this will look like!  School?  Job?  Running away with the Circus?  Who knows?  But I have 364 days left to explore it!

it begins....

Those who know me, or who have worked with me, or travelled with me, or watched me cook or try to clean my house, will know that I am prone to flights of fancy. My mind wanders from one thing to the next, constantly searching for the next shiny object... And then, once I find one, I tend to fixate on it.

It happens most often with music - this weekend "My Man" was on repeat on my iPod for an entire day. The purpose? I dunno. It got me all psyched up for my show in the morning. It perfectly complimented the sunshine on my walk. I scripted, cast, directed and filmed a very touching version of it while nodding off on the couch between shows. And it was there, in my head during my monologue on stage, as Ned watches his Captain dying, "oh my man I love him so, he'll never know."

And now, a blog, to share these shiny baubles with the rest of you!